indecisiveness

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wednesday i called my employer & informed them that I was taking the a few days off. didn’t explain why. i don’t even know why. well i guess i do. there are alot of things that i need to consider right now. i recently received confirmation that i’ve been accepted into a BA degree completion program which is cool, a great investment for the future & something that i’ve been wanting to do for a long time. On the other hand, it’s expensive, time-consuming & i’m not sure that i will be able to balance my life effectively since i’m currently failing miserably at doing so right now with only work & home life. adding school into the mix just seems like a recipe for disaster but i know i shouldn’t have such a defeatist attitude. i just wish i didn’t have to work. living in our area is too unbelievably expensive & is certainly not worth it comparatively speaking. i’d really like to move out of state where i could actually afford to stay home w/ my son & survive on my hubby’s income. at the present, both my husband & i are working full time, odd shifts so that we can save $, spend time w/ our son and not have to put him in daycare. i feel like we’re pissing our $ away considering that in various parts of this country, we’d be paying approximately 50% less for the same apartment if it were located elsewhere. i’m beyond miserable at my job. i’ve been working there since april 2007. about the boredom: it hadn’t always been that way. in fact, i used to be so passionate about it that i worked way too many hours at various times of the day both at work and from home. vpn connections are the devil! here’s an example of how much i cared about this job at one point: november 2007, i was about 3 months pregnant with my son & i ended up going to a popular theme park approximately 8 hours away by car (though we went via airplane) because my future sister-in-law had one a trip for 4 on the radio & was kind enough to invite me along. At the time, I knew that there was a need for someone to go to a city nearby said themepark to go to a document review so the dumbass that i am, i volunteered to do it while on vacation!!! so there i was pregnant & on vacation looking at documents & doing my best to take decent digital pics since the bastards there wouldn’t let me use the photocopier…anyway, flashing forward to the present….my responsibilities have changed, though i personally find them equally as hard as the job responsibilities that i had before just in different ways. the point is: i feel like i’m at one of those crossroads in life where you have to make a series of decisions that you don’t want to even think about and there is no definitive answer about what is at the end of each path. what an interesting way to start 2010….

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