i am happy that mr. bot has found someone that makes him happy. this is not about that at all. this is about feeling like the redheadbot is trying to replace me as babybot’s mommybot. redheadbot bought babybot approximately 4 shirts & 2 pairs of pants from old navy and a pair of $22 sketchers shoes that are currently too big for him. she wants to plan and host babybot’s 2nd birthday party at her home and has invited me to attend. she cut my son’s hair and took him to a shoe store to get his feet measured. recently she set up a crib in her sons’ room specifically for babybot to sleep in. i already feel inadequate and crappy financially, because i am used to being able to buy babybot clothes and shoes and toys whenever i feel like it but since i quit my paralegal job and am working as a lowly coffee slinging barista, i can’t do that as easily anymore. but it’s not just that, babybot has plenty of clothes and several pairs of shoes, all of which i think are in perfectly functional order. i was unaware that he NEEDED all this stuff that the redheadbot is buying for him. and about getting his feet measured at a shoe store, not too long ago, mr. bot and i had had a conversation about this because the motherinlawbot had suggested that i take babybot to get his feet measured & at the time, mr. bot and i had agreed that it was unnecessary. now, i guess all of a sudden because the redheadbot decided she wanted to do it, it suddenly became necessary?! and what the fuck is up with her deciding she’s going to plan & host babybot’s birthday party?! that part really fucking pisses me off…i know mr. bot probably enjoys that redheadbot is a take charge kind of gal and that’s fine and dandy when only applicable to mr. bot, but when her decisions impact babybot, i feel like i get informed about what’s going on as an afterthought. the only person i’ve talked to who seems to understand why i feel the way i do about the situation is my dear sweet coin operated boy…one of my twitter friends basically told me that there could be worse things going on, which is completely true, but i don’t think that means my feelings are entirely invalid. i’m not sure if mr. bot realizes it, but he’s made it very difficult for me to spend time with babybot. i know on one hand he’s probably trying to give me time to do homework and time to be alone, but it’s getting to a point where i feel like i need to make an appointment to see my child, and that the redheadbot is spending more time with him than i am. i am admittedly already very insecure about my abilities as a parent and as a provider (especially in light of my severe decrease in income). but then add redheadbot to the mix, and i just feel fucking awful. though it may not happen right away, as babybot gets older, and assuming the redheadbot and mr. bot either get married or at least continue on in their relationship, i believe there is a strong likelihood that babybot will forget about his real mommybot and embrace this new one. i feel fucking useless & humiliated as a parent. i’ve been crying about it on and off all day. part of me wants to talk to mr. bot about the way i feel, but i don’t want to put a damper on things for him because i know the redheadbot makes him happy. besides, it’s probably likely that he will have a similar reaction as my twitter friend did, that what’s the harm in the redheadbot spending $ on my child and trying to do helpful things for him? there’s nothing wrong with it persay, it just makes me look like i’m not doing my job. one positive thing, is that all of this confirms that my marriage to mr. bot was doomed on both ends…that he really was miserable with me though he never admitted to it…sounds weird but that’s kind of a relief…i think both of us have been in denial for 10 years…i love my babybot but at times i do feel guilty that we brought a child into this world with such stupid ridiculous intent to save our endangered marriage. and now our dear little babybot has to deal with all of our pointless drama.