totoro, i don’t think we’re in california anymore…

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since i’ve moved to PA, i’ve grown accustomed to obsessively checking the weather, or specifically wunderground …as i type this it’s 9.8°F…it’s also 4:23 a.m… i’m contemplating going outside to smoke a cigarette but am wondering if it’s worth hunting around for clothes to pile on to keep from freezing my ass off…i feel like crying…i’m not sure what specifically about…or if it’s just everything… i just described myself  as “happy sad everything in between, above and below (?)” in response to a friend’s twitter inquiry as to how i’m doing…it’s 5:10 a.m. and i’m wearing pajamas that still have the tag on over the clothes that i’d been wearing…it’s a two piece fleece set, the pants have footies…i went outside for that cigarette…i’ve decided to change my wordpress theme…it’s a work in progress…freedom by jonathan franzen is good so far…i’m a little more than half way…i’ve been doing some research and it seems like it’d be cheaper to buy a house out here than to rent…but i’m not sure we financially qualify to buy…i don’t know what my options are but i dread talking to a mortgage person…i don’t really want to work with a realtor either…i’ve been thinking about getting a second job, but i don’t see when i’d have the time…i want to go back to school & get my bachelor’s degree but i don’t have the money and again, i don’t know where i’d find the time…as if time were a lost commodity that i managed to be irresponsible enough to misplace…i better go…i hear babybot stirring…

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