can’t help being worried…

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i love my little toddlerbot…and despite what mr. bot may think, i can’t help being worried when he says and does things that i think a lot of parents and (family law attorneys) would find worrisome if they were in my place…he doesn’t seem to understand why i got so upset when he told me that he had put babybot on a head start program waiting list in CA without asking me first, eventhough babybot is supposed to be coming back to PA in august to start pre-school… when he and i were in the middle of what i would call “custody agreement negotiations” this afternoon, i brought up him signing up babybot to be on the head start waiting list as a trust issue and he started saying combative cryptic things like “you want to talk about trust issues?!” in this high and mighty condescending tone, but then of course he didn’t elaborate…it’s difficult for me not to think he’s a huge hypocrite because he’s always spouting off about working on communication but then he goes and makes a major decision regarding education/child care without asking me first—fucking DUH…and then of course i later brought up the whole child support topic because we were trying to talk #s and i said that if we were to go to court, because he, at least on paper, makes more income than i do, would end up probably paying more in child support, (this is merely a well-educated guess based on common knowledge) and he said something like “if we were going to court, i’d be fighting for a lot more than i am right now…” but of course, as usual he didn’t elaborate as to what this meant, as if to imply dissatisfaction with the situation and to insinuate that i was attempting to be threatening when i was just trying to make a statement based upon my limited knowledge of family law…it bugs the shit out of me that he expects me to tell him everything but tells me nothing…he also wanted to put something in our agreement stating that i need to continue taking my anti-depressants which i found insulting and unnecessary since i have acknowledged time and time again that i am well aware that i would be a fucking mess without medication…i hate how he seems to think that everything i do is wrong and questionable….and you would not believe the bullshit i endured because he saw a pic of my little boy eating a cinnabon mini bon on facebook…as if this was something i let my child eat daily (the pic was the only time he had ever eaten cinnabon)….what the fuck ever…he can be a sanctimonious prick if he wants to be…he’s got babybot for the next 5 months…it is unbelievable to me that he didn’t seem to get why i wanted to have a modified custody agreement in the first place…um, well i wanted some kind of guarantee that he would let me have my son back…he seems to think that i can trust that he would do that and take it for granted but…considering his behavior over the last year it’s difficult for me to put too much trust in someone i thought i knew for 10 years but never really did…and to make matters worse, i of course do not really trust redheadbot’s intent regarding anything… i also hate how he expects me to want to keep in contact with redheadbot right away especially in light of all the dumb assed facebook drama and general shit starting on her end…whatever…i need to tap into my catholic upbringing and take a leap of faith that he’s not as much of an asshole as i think he has become…

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