back to blogging…

It’s been several years since my last post here on WordPress. I’ve decided it’s time to get back into blogging as an attempt at coping with certain issues that are complex, and at times painful to address, try to fix etc. I have been posting more in my blogspot, since that blog is for miscellaneous pop culture things, not necessarily emotional observations or whatever. I haven’t worked as a legal assistant/paralegal for five years now. I’ve been home working remotely for a medical records management company. I have had social anxiety for decades, but the COVID-19 pandemic made it so much worse, and I am still trying to figure out how to adjust back to regularly interacting with people outside of my household. About 3 years ago, I finally got my BA from California University of Pennsylvania (now known as PennWest California). I also had a coinoperatedcutebot baby a little over 2 years ago, so in addition to the now-teenbot, there’s a toddler bot in my life.

i don’t know what to call this…

All I know is that it’s been quite some time since I wrote in this blog. Honestly, I haven’t really written in any of my blogs and I pretty much avoid Tumblr, Twitter and Facebook for the most part. After four and a half years, I got a new job in November 2016. I basically traded one kind of crazy for another kind of crazy. Geez, the last time I wrote in this blog, PBO was still president! Those were the days! Now the Orange One is “President”…I am 35 years old now. I had been taking one college course per semester from 2013 til the semester that ended right as I started my current job in an attempt to try to eventually get my bachelor’s degree. I don’t think it would make sense given my current employment situation for me to try to take any courses at this point in time because I am currently the assistant to 2 very different attorneys, and I’m still adjusting to the new company, new procedures, new people etc. My little boy is not so little — he is 9 years old! We are going to family therapy since his tantrums seem to be getting angrier, more violent and increasingly difficult to manage.

verbal directions

I’m generally not so good with processing verbal directions on the first try. And understandably, people find it frustrating to have to repeat the same instructions more than once. So when I tried to explain this to my boss this morning, however, he said that when he’s at my desk I should write down what he’s saying but that goes back to the core problem—-I stink at verbal directions. Even in school, when I would take notes, most of the time they would be useless and I would rely mostly on written materials and textbooks. I took an Intro to Political Science class during my first full semester of junior college and I ended up with a C in that class because it was almost entirely lecture based. We had a textbook (I’m not sure why since he didn’t teach the info in it) but since all his tests and all his assignments were based on lectures, I did a shitty job. Anyway, I get what my boss is saying but I don’t know how to convey that if he doesn’t want to end up repeating himself, he needs to write it down. I can process verbal directions, but it may take me a few more times of hearing them before it makes sense in my brain. The majority of the time I truly am doing my best to pay attention to what he’s saying (of course there are moments when I am tuning out, but I think that happens to everyone).

next week…

next week the world campus summer semester starts and littlekidbot turns 7! changes are on the horizon…

when i moved out to PA, it was meant to be temporary, i certainly didn’t plan to be here 5 years later…and when we moved into this miserable apartment in 2012, we didn’t plan on being here until 2015…yet here we are…at least i know that we will be moving to a nicer apartment in the next county over soon if all goes well…

re my previous post about the copy machine: i did buy a laser all in one printer and the copy machine has been replaced, however everyone has been having trouble with the new machine. i have not used it at all because i don’t want to break it. i am avoiding using it at all costs. as frustrated with my job as i can get sometimes, i need this job and i’d like to make it past 6/18/15 because this will be the first real job (i don’t count my community college student part time job) that i’ve stayed at for over 3 years.

the past few days at work i’ve been going on linkedin and trying to make as many “connections” as possible, in hopes that maybe the network i build will eventually help me get back home to the sfbayarea….it was weird finding people that i haven’t seen in like 17 years that may not even remember me…

i can’t believe i’m 33 years old…sometimes  i feel like i stopped growing up emotionally 20 years ago…ugh if i continue at a snail’s pace by taking one class per semester, i won’t get my bachelor’s degree until 2020…other people my age or younger have incredible careers…and i’m still a clerical janitor aka a secretary (even though technically i’m a paralegal/legal assistant)…

anyway, i’m sickening myself because i feel guilty for complaining about all this stuff because i know i am lucky to have a job, have a wonderful husband and an amazing son…i’m lucky to have a place to live and food to eat…i am awash with “first world problems” guilt…

gggggggggggggggiffffffffffffffffssssssssssss

Because apparently this is what I do at 1:35 am….and by do, i mean picking gifs other people made and clicking buttons & posting them on my blog….wwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooo

 

So, it’s past 8pm which is littlebotkid’s bedtime…

So the texts above were from the first week of July…Basically, I asked my ex-husbot if I could take the littlebot to meet some family members that have NEVER met him…But of course, exhusbot was a total dick, stating that the time was too late and that it was past his bed time and selfishly saying “this is my time..” wah wah…….ok, but everytime he’s running late for a skype call, and wants to talk to the littlebot past his bedtime, I don’t say a fucking thing…fucking hypocritical shit

throwback thursday – coinoperatedcutebot style

the coinoperatedcutebot love story as documented by the creators of the game that serendipitously brought us together

idiomatic revisionism

In posts on my other blog, I’ve written that I feel like “I’ve been living under a rock” because I missed quite a few pop culture phenomena prior to 2010…And I realized, in my mind, that phrase has involuntarily undergone a bit of idiomatic revisionism… The phrase has become a bit of a perverse metaphor for the fact that I feel that I missed out on a lot of things (not just pop culture, things like interesting life experiences, opportunities for personal growth etc.) because I was far too focused on my tedious ex-husbot…he was a mundane, frequently unwashed rock that isolated me from the rest of the world… the decade we spent together was not too dissimilar from receiving a pet rock as a gift and keeping it because it was there and your room was less empty when it was around…That sounds terrible, I know…but we were good friends, in fact better friends than we were a romantic couple…and I miss his friendship, and the person he was…but ever since he met his current wife, he became (at least in my presence) a humorless, moss-covered rock who himself seems like he is living under a crazy, manipulative rock who basically has squeezed out most of the cool things about him, leaving him expressionless and sounding much more hollow than before…

i’m struggling, trying with all my might not to be upset, irritated etc…

my son just returned to pennsylvania from a month with his dad on the west coast—-i’m glad to have him home, that’s not what’s ticking me off…his stepmother sent me a 5-paged single spaced email w/ all of her observations and all her “recommendations” as to what treatment he needs etc. most of the things she said we already knew, many of her “tips” were things we already did…my son was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum last year and it so happens that her son has aspergers and so i know she’s had experience w/ specialists and what not but honestly, couldn’t she have waited a day? doesn’t she know that my little boy is going to be upset for a few days (minimum) because he misses his father—he needs to recover a little from the heartache, and i want to be there for him as much as i can because his heartache becomes my heartache so i’m sad too, so the first thing she does is send me a fucking novel via email…and for whatever reason, she wrote the email and forwarded it to my ex-husband and he forwarded it to me & my husband while cc-ing her, which just seems like a lot of work for no purpose, other than to possibly make it seem like he wrote the email instead of her (?) whatever…even if somehow miraculously he authored that email (which he didn’t) i’d still be pissed off and i’d still be mad and insulted…

addictive behavior, possible adult adhd, sleep deprivation, chronic punctuality problems

I was over an hour late to work today and I didn’t have a good explanation…I’m glad my boss didn’t ask me why I was late because the truth would be rather disappointing…Assuming that it’s a bonafide affliction, which I suspect it is, I think it’s rather likely that I have some degree of this in addition of course to all the other things that are wrong with me both physical and psychological in nature. I know I should being seeing a psychologist &/or therapist regularly, but it’s difficult enough to find time in my schedule to go to my psychiatrist appointments, especially since he doesn’t offer appointments after 4:30 p.m. and often the cutoff is earlier than that. Anyway, I’m currently addicted to taking trivia quizzes on FunTrivia and have also been quite obsessed with Flight of the Conchords and tweaking the layouts of my 3 non-political blogs and tweeting from both twitter accounts. Right now my body is tired, I can feel it…But part of me doesn’t want to go to sleep because I just keep thinking about the other things that I could be doing instead of sleeping. This habit of staying up to aimlessly wander the internet needs to stop. And here’s a novel idea: when I’m at work, I should focus on working not doing other stuff like composing multiple choice trivia quizzes.